What in the hell is that? I wake up in a small dark place that smells like buffalo poop. I realize where I am and unzip to see what the noise is. The safari vehicle just pulled into the camp. Decision time. Do I get out and say hello or do I zip back up and call it a night?

I’d better go say hello and see what I have to deal with now. I meet Ron and Michaelle Anne, Jim and Debbie and Gebra, our guide. Is it just me or are Christian names really popular here? Solomon, Samson, Francis and Gebra (which is no doubt short for Gabriel). Note to self: If I ever do lose my mind and have a family don’t name them all something totally irrelevant and stupid. So I’ve met my family for the next two weeks. Let’s see I’ve known them for approximately three minutes now and I know that three of them are PhD’s and all over 55. Lovely, so I can look forward to some in-depth conversations about Geritol. Actually, it’s not that bad. I don’t have to worry about some 21 year old cheerleader looking better than I do the whole trip and I also don’t have to worry about a young hot guy, that I have to hold my stomach in for.

Dinner is just about ready so I decide to eat before I go back to sleep. The foods not that bad, some soup to start with, some carrot/onion mixture as the salad and a beef (I think it’s beef) concoction that has carrots and onions in it. I take my plate to the aluminum wash pan that’s laid out and wait for dessert. Umm… Those are bananas; bananas aren’t really dessert they’re more like breakfast or something. Oh, that is all we will have the whole trip is fruit. For dessert? How much did I pay for this trip? I’m a lousy, caffeine craving American even the stupid airline served me a choco-something. No, I don’t think it would taste better with honey on it. Maybe I am still a very tired person. Don’t I like bananas normally? I’d better get back to bed before I cause them to leave food scattered around my tent in the middle of the night for the animals.

I wake up the next morning to a very soft “Jambo, Jambo” which means “Hello, Hello”. That’s pleasant. The air is crisp and smells very clean. No additional animal droppings around the tent, so I guess I didn’t piss them off that much last night. Gebra put a pan of hot water by my tent door so that I can wash my face or a traditional whore bath whichever I choose. I opt for the face wash. I don’t really want to drop my pants right in front of my tent. You may notice I am being very shy. This is the beginning of the trip; later I become a vulgar, sweaty person who sprays her legs every time she pees. But I will save that for later. I would also like to add that this is where the trip gets better so relish in all my nastiness now.

We all have breakfast and pack up our tents. It’s a pop-up so really not that difficult. Pole here, pole there, zippers up and fold. I’m a much better camper than traveler if I do say myself. Should I help the old people? Nah, I could use another cup of coffee. Besides, there are two of them for one little tent. Today is the first day with the animals.